Happy?

Has it ever happened to you before that you wake up, but you only sort of wake up, so you can see, but there are still sounds and voices in your head?

Well, it happens to me ALL the time. It's mostly conversations between me and an unknown. It never lasts long; I say something, they say something, or vice versa and that's it.

Yesterday morning was...kinda different.

"You're a really happy person."

"Huh. I've...never been called that before.."

It was interesting, but I didn't pay much mind to it..till later.

Now, let me just say that I sometimes can rely on dreams to foreshadow or predict something that happens in the near future. They're confusing that way. They aren't just symbols of your everyday life, and they are NOT just nonsense the brain makes up. It's illogical.

For example, at the end of senior year (May or June), I had a dream with the color red in it. Red can represent passion or rage usually, but other times it means danger or warning. That day we had a Physics test, and as it turned out, it could be a partner test. Relieving? Not when you're paired with the ONLY person who wasn't here that day. See, that red could have easily been warning me of this debacle.

Now, back to yesterday's note. The word 'happy' seemed to be in my head for most of the morning. On the bus on the way to Lighting class, I saw a bus booth with a sign advertising Holiday coffee for free (ick). Spelled in coffee beans on the sign was this message: BE HAPPY. Coincidence?

Well, on the way back I happened to look up and see a billboard for D'Amico's with the same message--BE HAPPY. 

It was...really strange.

Those signs were there before; I'm sure of it. But I didn't see them before that day. I don't think it was a coincidence. I don't know. 

Those messages caused something to happen inside me. I had stopped wearing crazy stupid eye makeup the day before. I went to work and I decided to be smiley and happy and to be confident and stand up straight and make better eye contact. 

It wasn't do busy and everyone was happy and laughing and joking, including me. It's been a while, if ever, since I was that happy at work. I was making the biggest effort I could. 

All I can hope for is that this keeps up, and that this mysterious conversation in my head was a well needed one. Of course, I can't be like this all the time, but maybe I can really try to hide it and come off as a sincerely...happy person.

What wonders it may do.

Welcome Back To My Complications

Last night I was in for a bit of a shock.
I saw Angel's face, in person, for the first time in over a year.

Okay, not really in person. But the dream was so vivid and real it sure seemed like it. Rachel was over (she was spending the weekend here, left a few hours ago) and so of course we went to bed late. This summer has been full of late nights for me--since there's only one day a week where I have to get up somewhat early for work, I've been up till the AMs online watching movies and whatnot. This usually results in dreamless nights or very few dreams/visions for me. Basically light sleeping.
Last night I had a short vision of a cosplay skit. Rachel and I had been watching a show called 'Heroes of Cosplay' which is basically cosplay competitions with the same people. So there were a few dreams/visions of that including the Angel one.
It was some girl running with a light/torch in her hand leading a few guys including Angel. I was supposedly watching, and Angel turns to look at me, smirking I think, and I saw his real face for a split second before I snapped out of it and woke up.
I've had dreams of him, but not as real-looking as this version. He was exactly how I remembered him. I had to do some deep breathing for a few seconds.
The thing is, I can't remember him anymore. Not what he looked like. I still saw his face in my mind after I woke up, but now it's gone.
He was wearing blue stripes--blue is a healing color, but that doesn't make sense.

Its haunting. I can't figure out what it means right now.

The Answer

I haven't mentioned my 2013 June experience to Dauphin Island have I? Probably not. If so, too bad. Listen up.
Just some background to start out. Last year I had been accepted to spend 4 weeks in Dauphin Island, Alabama to do a marine biology program (I haven't been into that since 2012, but that year I enrolled but didn't get in). It was the best month of my life. It taught me things about the sea, but it also taught me how to love. But I made mistakes, one in particular that I will regret for the rest of my life. Basically I was hypnotized by a really attractive guy who was in a group that was kind of stuck-up and thought of themselves as I guess 'higher' than the rest of us. He seemed different to me though. Anyway, I wanted him so much that in order for him to think I was worthy I felt that I had to ditch the best friend I have ever made. His name was Charlie, and the freakishly attractive guy I'll call Angel. I don't think I'm ready to put his real name down yet.. Anyway. After I left I realized what I did and how awful it was, and I still talk to Charlie sometimes (I made up an answer for why I was acting that way) over text, but it will be a very long while before I forgive myself. There are some ways I have begun to make it up, such as banning the word 'hate' from my vocabulary--also, if I ever see Charlie again in person, I will tell him the real story. I just can't do it over text.
Anyway, there are times where I get longing feelings for the island, and where I feel bad for what I did. Sometimes I talk to the open air as if it were Charlie, and hope that somehow he hears me, even though I know he probably won't.
Well, knew.

I had a dream last night that made me hopeful.
A few hours before I went to bed, I did the open-air talk. I profusely apologized, like I always do, and mentioned my no-hate rule, and also that I'd tell the truth if I saw him again. Here is what I dreamed.

I'm in a small room that doesn't seem to have windows. The floor is carpeted, and there are chairs and couches against the walls, one of which Charlie and I sit at. I don't look at him, but I know he is there. I keep muttering 'I'm so sorry--' 'I'm so sorry for--' and Charlie just says 'dear, sweet Rosii' or 'poor sweet Rosii' or something. We are also holding hands (not in a couple way--I wasn't in love with him. I do love him though) in a strange way. Across the room is the group including Angel. (I should say here that it seemed like only really two people of the group did most of the making fun and whispering, but Angel didn't seem to.) Interestingly he is making cracks about Charlie and me in a not very quiet way, and seems to be the only one. I try to glare, but I can't make it all the way. At one point I move and go to the couch to the right of me, where Angel appears. He starts teasing me--either in a good way, or more about Charlie--but I seem to be okay with it. At some point we are sitting together--him below me (I'm sitting on the couch backing I guess). I remember touching him in some way at a point, and he is certainly not meaty.

I really, REALLY hope this meant that Char heard me, or in some way that he somehow knows. It's interesting how the two parts were divided: one with me on Charlie's side; one with me on Angel's side. It might reflect the experience itself, or express what it would be like if we were to all get back together again. I hope it's not the latter, but it makes sense. It's also interesting how I cannot glare. it's almost like I can't get mad at Angel, which shows the hypnotizing effect he had on me. The holding hands shows the bond, obviously. The windowless room might represent the secrecy of the whole mistake, how I've told very VERY few people--I think really just one, and not even the whole story.

It is helpful to have dreams like this--it's very cool to see the relationship and contact between the two worlds.