The Answer

I haven't mentioned my 2013 June experience to Dauphin Island have I? Probably not. If so, too bad. Listen up.
Just some background to start out. Last year I had been accepted to spend 4 weeks in Dauphin Island, Alabama to do a marine biology program (I haven't been into that since 2012, but that year I enrolled but didn't get in). It was the best month of my life. It taught me things about the sea, but it also taught me how to love. But I made mistakes, one in particular that I will regret for the rest of my life. Basically I was hypnotized by a really attractive guy who was in a group that was kind of stuck-up and thought of themselves as I guess 'higher' than the rest of us. He seemed different to me though. Anyway, I wanted him so much that in order for him to think I was worthy I felt that I had to ditch the best friend I have ever made. His name was Charlie, and the freakishly attractive guy I'll call Angel. I don't think I'm ready to put his real name down yet.. Anyway. After I left I realized what I did and how awful it was, and I still talk to Charlie sometimes (I made up an answer for why I was acting that way) over text, but it will be a very long while before I forgive myself. There are some ways I have begun to make it up, such as banning the word 'hate' from my vocabulary--also, if I ever see Charlie again in person, I will tell him the real story. I just can't do it over text.
Anyway, there are times where I get longing feelings for the island, and where I feel bad for what I did. Sometimes I talk to the open air as if it were Charlie, and hope that somehow he hears me, even though I know he probably won't.
Well, knew.

I had a dream last night that made me hopeful.
A few hours before I went to bed, I did the open-air talk. I profusely apologized, like I always do, and mentioned my no-hate rule, and also that I'd tell the truth if I saw him again. Here is what I dreamed.

I'm in a small room that doesn't seem to have windows. The floor is carpeted, and there are chairs and couches against the walls, one of which Charlie and I sit at. I don't look at him, but I know he is there. I keep muttering 'I'm so sorry--' 'I'm so sorry for--' and Charlie just says 'dear, sweet Rosii' or 'poor sweet Rosii' or something. We are also holding hands (not in a couple way--I wasn't in love with him. I do love him though) in a strange way. Across the room is the group including Angel. (I should say here that it seemed like only really two people of the group did most of the making fun and whispering, but Angel didn't seem to.) Interestingly he is making cracks about Charlie and me in a not very quiet way, and seems to be the only one. I try to glare, but I can't make it all the way. At one point I move and go to the couch to the right of me, where Angel appears. He starts teasing me--either in a good way, or more about Charlie--but I seem to be okay with it. At some point we are sitting together--him below me (I'm sitting on the couch backing I guess). I remember touching him in some way at a point, and he is certainly not meaty.

I really, REALLY hope this meant that Char heard me, or in some way that he somehow knows. It's interesting how the two parts were divided: one with me on Charlie's side; one with me on Angel's side. It might reflect the experience itself, or express what it would be like if we were to all get back together again. I hope it's not the latter, but it makes sense. It's also interesting how I cannot glare. it's almost like I can't get mad at Angel, which shows the hypnotizing effect he had on me. The holding hands shows the bond, obviously. The windowless room might represent the secrecy of the whole mistake, how I've told very VERY few people--I think really just one, and not even the whole story.

It is helpful to have dreams like this--it's very cool to see the relationship and contact between the two worlds.