Edge of...

Sadly, there are some dreams of which I can't draw. I'm not a very great artist to begin with, but some images are just too vivid and true to copy, at least at my level. :/

For some reason, the important part of the dream was almost like a music video to "Edge of Glory." I'm walking down the side of a street at night, and there are very few cars around. My arms are in the air for the first several seconds. I'm wearing very high black suede heels, like ones she'd wear, but I seem to have absolutely no trouble walking in them.
Eventually, I'm seen atop a very large mountain of landfill. The sky is very dark and ominous, like a storm about to start, and there may be lightning; I don't know. The song still plays, and I seem very triumphant and proud where I am. I'm wearing a bizarre attire--seeming to be composed of a ragged black mantle and some sort of headpiece.

The dream was vivid and seemed to be contrasting of two different things--note the apocalyptic scene with the garbage pile and the dark sky, and the nighttime with no one around; but I am feeling alive and happy throughout the entire dream sequence. The images may reflect the song, although I don't really understand the lyrics yet. I had been listening to a lot of Lady GaGa recently, so that's a good reason for the choice of song. That day had been good for me--I had been out with my friends and it had rained good and hard, and we were very happy. The lightning may have a lot to do with that.
The dream seemed to have a good message--to hold your head up at the worst of times, no matter what happens, because you are alive and you are fabulous.

Tenir doubet sur ta montagne, même si fait de déchets!

The trash outfit looked very similar to Tim the Enchanter from Holy Grail. Weird!!

The shoes during the nighttime street sequence were alike these.

Happy?

Has it ever happened to you before that you wake up, but you only sort of wake up, so you can see, but there are still sounds and voices in your head?

Well, it happens to me ALL the time. It's mostly conversations between me and an unknown. It never lasts long; I say something, they say something, or vice versa and that's it.

Yesterday morning was...kinda different.

"You're a really happy person."

"Huh. I've...never been called that before.."

It was interesting, but I didn't pay much mind to it..till later.

Now, let me just say that I sometimes can rely on dreams to foreshadow or predict something that happens in the near future. They're confusing that way. They aren't just symbols of your everyday life, and they are NOT just nonsense the brain makes up. It's illogical.

For example, at the end of senior year (May or June), I had a dream with the color red in it. Red can represent passion or rage usually, but other times it means danger or warning. That day we had a Physics test, and as it turned out, it could be a partner test. Relieving? Not when you're paired with the ONLY person who wasn't here that day. See, that red could have easily been warning me of this debacle.

Now, back to yesterday's note. The word 'happy' seemed to be in my head for most of the morning. On the bus on the way to Lighting class, I saw a bus booth with a sign advertising Holiday coffee for free (ick). Spelled in coffee beans on the sign was this message: BE HAPPY. Coincidence?

Well, on the way back I happened to look up and see a billboard for D'Amico's with the same message--BE HAPPY. 

It was...really strange.

Those signs were there before; I'm sure of it. But I didn't see them before that day. I don't think it was a coincidence. I don't know. 

Those messages caused something to happen inside me. I had stopped wearing crazy stupid eye makeup the day before. I went to work and I decided to be smiley and happy and to be confident and stand up straight and make better eye contact. 

It wasn't do busy and everyone was happy and laughing and joking, including me. It's been a while, if ever, since I was that happy at work. I was making the biggest effort I could. 

All I can hope for is that this keeps up, and that this mysterious conversation in my head was a well needed one. Of course, I can't be like this all the time, but maybe I can really try to hide it and come off as a sincerely...happy person.

What wonders it may do.

Welcome Back To My Complications

Last night I was in for a bit of a shock.
I saw Angel's face, in person, for the first time in over a year.

Okay, not really in person. But the dream was so vivid and real it sure seemed like it. Rachel was over (she was spending the weekend here, left a few hours ago) and so of course we went to bed late. This summer has been full of late nights for me--since there's only one day a week where I have to get up somewhat early for work, I've been up till the AMs online watching movies and whatnot. This usually results in dreamless nights or very few dreams/visions for me. Basically light sleeping.
Last night I had a short vision of a cosplay skit. Rachel and I had been watching a show called 'Heroes of Cosplay' which is basically cosplay competitions with the same people. So there were a few dreams/visions of that including the Angel one.
It was some girl running with a light/torch in her hand leading a few guys including Angel. I was supposedly watching, and Angel turns to look at me, smirking I think, and I saw his real face for a split second before I snapped out of it and woke up.
I've had dreams of him, but not as real-looking as this version. He was exactly how I remembered him. I had to do some deep breathing for a few seconds.
The thing is, I can't remember him anymore. Not what he looked like. I still saw his face in my mind after I woke up, but now it's gone.
He was wearing blue stripes--blue is a healing color, but that doesn't make sense.

Its haunting. I can't figure out what it means right now.

The Answer

I haven't mentioned my 2013 June experience to Dauphin Island have I? Probably not. If so, too bad. Listen up.
Just some background to start out. Last year I had been accepted to spend 4 weeks in Dauphin Island, Alabama to do a marine biology program (I haven't been into that since 2012, but that year I enrolled but didn't get in). It was the best month of my life. It taught me things about the sea, but it also taught me how to love. But I made mistakes, one in particular that I will regret for the rest of my life. Basically I was hypnotized by a really attractive guy who was in a group that was kind of stuck-up and thought of themselves as I guess 'higher' than the rest of us. He seemed different to me though. Anyway, I wanted him so much that in order for him to think I was worthy I felt that I had to ditch the best friend I have ever made. His name was Charlie, and the freakishly attractive guy I'll call Angel. I don't think I'm ready to put his real name down yet.. Anyway. After I left I realized what I did and how awful it was, and I still talk to Charlie sometimes (I made up an answer for why I was acting that way) over text, but it will be a very long while before I forgive myself. There are some ways I have begun to make it up, such as banning the word 'hate' from my vocabulary--also, if I ever see Charlie again in person, I will tell him the real story. I just can't do it over text.
Anyway, there are times where I get longing feelings for the island, and where I feel bad for what I did. Sometimes I talk to the open air as if it were Charlie, and hope that somehow he hears me, even though I know he probably won't.
Well, knew.

I had a dream last night that made me hopeful.
A few hours before I went to bed, I did the open-air talk. I profusely apologized, like I always do, and mentioned my no-hate rule, and also that I'd tell the truth if I saw him again. Here is what I dreamed.

I'm in a small room that doesn't seem to have windows. The floor is carpeted, and there are chairs and couches against the walls, one of which Charlie and I sit at. I don't look at him, but I know he is there. I keep muttering 'I'm so sorry--' 'I'm so sorry for--' and Charlie just says 'dear, sweet Rosii' or 'poor sweet Rosii' or something. We are also holding hands (not in a couple way--I wasn't in love with him. I do love him though) in a strange way. Across the room is the group including Angel. (I should say here that it seemed like only really two people of the group did most of the making fun and whispering, but Angel didn't seem to.) Interestingly he is making cracks about Charlie and me in a not very quiet way, and seems to be the only one. I try to glare, but I can't make it all the way. At one point I move and go to the couch to the right of me, where Angel appears. He starts teasing me--either in a good way, or more about Charlie--but I seem to be okay with it. At some point we are sitting together--him below me (I'm sitting on the couch backing I guess). I remember touching him in some way at a point, and he is certainly not meaty.

I really, REALLY hope this meant that Char heard me, or in some way that he somehow knows. It's interesting how the two parts were divided: one with me on Charlie's side; one with me on Angel's side. It might reflect the experience itself, or express what it would be like if we were to all get back together again. I hope it's not the latter, but it makes sense. It's also interesting how I cannot glare. it's almost like I can't get mad at Angel, which shows the hypnotizing effect he had on me. The holding hands shows the bond, obviously. The windowless room might represent the secrecy of the whole mistake, how I've told very VERY few people--I think really just one, and not even the whole story.

It is helpful to have dreams like this--it's very cool to see the relationship and contact between the two worlds.

Yeah, yeah I haven't posted in forever. Shaddup.
What you don't know is that I have fallen for someone (I won't say who), and that is kinda important info for this dream to make sense.

Apparently we were on some sort of date, maybe an unintentional one, but we were going to an exercise or yoga class I regularly took (in the dream--I don't take exercise classes save pushups in my room...). We went and I was in a pirate costume for some reason (yeah...I just don't know). The room was dim, and everyone there...I could almost hear what they were thinking; they were giving off a teasing vibe that said, 'Oooh, they're in looooove!' But they were all meditating and seemed to be in their own worlds. I guess we came in late or something. But there wasn't any instructor of any kind. So I guess it didn't matter (especially if everyone was meditating).
We got on the mat or whatever it was and he said something to make me tell him that I was better at whatever we were doing instead of him, and he kind of jumped over to where I was sitting, and I just fell into his arms.
At that moment in the dream, the feelings and emotions felt so real it was overwhelming. I couldn't concentrate on whatever everyone was doing. I couldn't concentrate on anything. Nothing but that moment. The pleasure was immense. We sat there rocking for what seemed forever.

And then there was some other stuffs that doesn't matter because I only thought of that part and how much I desperately wish it would come true.

I hope this is a foreshadowing dream. You dream of someone you have feelings for when you think of them often (which has definitely been happening). The meditation thing may be telling me I need to get out more (hah), or that it was the right 'mood' for the embrace.

Madness

I'm sorry I haven't posted in forever, but the dream I had last night was soooo...just....completely magical and surreal. Amazing. I can't not share. First I must provide some background.

So I'm a thinker, right? I make up this whole new world in my head and have been since I was eight. I made up this one mysterious secretive character who runs away after a while to be with dark, beautiful people called Pocket Pimps. I don't even know if I stuck with that name or not. Whatever. I just label them as qp (the q is supposed to be a backwards p). The secretive character changed her name to Texi or Tex. She was born with the body of a male (except the genitals) and the face of a female. Her soulmate is the increasingly androgynous Rickie and they have been in brotherly love for more than 2 years now. The other 2 characters are just as close. But they were not in this dream.
So, basically, I'm Texi and the dream begins (or the first thing I remember) with me and Rickie holding hands and looking in a mirror in the upstairs of my high school. There are other people around to our left doing something noisy, and we don't pay attention. Then I'm in a grocery store or something, and by a crisper with not just produce but like pies and baked things (weird) and the lady in front of me is fawning over the pie, which is apple cinnamon or something. There are few to no one else in the store, so I decide to take a bathe in the crisper. I go in there and Rickie is already in the "bath", but still wearing clothes. The lady is still out there but she told us she enjoys seeing us doing that (creeeepy).
Actually, now that I think of it there were 2 others, at the very end. They were supposedly the other qps, but were different characters. So we were in this big church which looked very fancy and not like a church at all; more like a red carpet celebrity event. Rickie and I walk down the aisle where people are cheering. The funny thing is is that I'm more of the guy and he's more of the girl...
Then the 2 characters come running out behind us and start attempting to dance all romantically. Then we're listening to the church service and it has very funky techno music as the hymns or whatever. I'm still bored, though, and fall asleep. That marked the end of the dream.

Wow.

Meaning: I think about the qps a lot, so there is no surprise why I'm dreaming about them. The surprising thing is that Rickie and Texi's genders seemed to almost...switch. Maybe I need to think about changing their future stories. Mirrors are to reflect on something or see the real truth. It's telling me that that was really obvious, and now that I think about it...it kind of was.
Pies and baked things mean luxury, which I do have and use every day. Few people in the store reflect on my passion for quietness. And the techno music reflects on my love for that kind of music.

It's certainly been a while since I've had a dream this mystical.

End of the World (YOLO)

Last night/morning (I dreamt a LOT)...

My old friend Sophie and I are running through this flea-market type place doing random stuff. We're doing all we can before the world ends, which is the next day (which is Tuesday). We start by dressing up like guys to be in a guys' football team. They're not actually playing; they're just sitting on benches eating food. They don't really notice us, and that's good because I'm wearing earrings and I don't really look like a dude. This is outside of the flea market. Then we go in, through a hallway, and Sophie asks me how we can look like guys (funny how she's asking me this now). I say, 'Two things..actually, three: clothes, makeup, and shoes.' (I don't know if they were in that order or not.) Then we're normal and we go to this booth/concession stand/whatever and talk to the person behind the counter, I think. Then the cast of Glee gets up on one of the booths and starts singing, probably about how the world's gonna end. Then Sophie goes off somewhere and I get ice cream for the both of us. I taste both cones. They're quite good.

Meaning- I had many other dreams, but it would take waaay too long to write them all down. They were about things/people I like, mostly. Since it was the last night before the new year, the dream consisted of all my favorite things that I liked that year to wrap up the year. Very interesting. Dressing up like someone/thing else may mean you want to change your look, or be someone you're not. Ice cream is cold, like this winter season. And an old friend suddenly appearing in a dream may be a signal: I may see her within the near future.

Happy New Year!